I know I have been MIA for several months now. I have been going through some stuff. Realizing some things about life. Like, I’ve realized that life isn’t always about what you make it. Sometimes stuff happens that is not of OUR making. Even still we have to deal with the problems, difficulties, blessings-in-disguise. And, God willing, we will come out of it all stronger, better people.
Okay, this is a bit of a time-line of what’s been going on with myself and family.
End of August: I start school again, in the hopes of persuing a Post-Bac degree in Middle Eastern studies. I’m registered for two courses and feeling good.
Beginning of September: Start not feeling so good. Realize that I’m pregnant. I also begin having extreme nuasea and fatigue. I’m still trying to stick it out in school, though.
Ramadan begins: I realize that I will not be able to fast, as I am STILL nursing Zakiyyah in addition to being pregnant. I begin missing classes b/c of my extreme fatigue and nausea.
Ramadan: My husband’s father, my father-in-law passes away, sort of unexpectedly from a heart attack. He had a stroke at the beginning of this year, but we all thought he was recovering. Hubby and I leave Zakiyyah here with family and head to New Orleans.
Let me just say, that this is my first time ever having to deal with the death of a family member. This was my husband’s first time washing a body. Death is the supreme reminder of the transience of life.
Ramadan: We return to Atlanta. I come to weighty realization that this is not the time to return to school. My daycare has fallen through, my nausea is still terrible, and I have missed several classes. I feel like a failure, I must admit.
Ramadan: This pregnancy is here, and I start trying to deal with it. We have no health insurance. So, I start trying to get approved for medicaid. The health care system is a sad state of affairs in this country. I’ll leave that for another post.
Slightly before Eid: Yay…find a midwife who will take medicaid. Hear this baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Starts to feel real.
Eid was nice, alhumdollilah (thank God). Will post pics soon.
Now: dealing with a UTI still throwing up 2-3 mornings out of the week.
The good news is that Zakiyyah has been weaned. The bad news is, she has been developing some other habits that I’m trying to break her of. She has been extremely clingy towards me. Sometimes she won’t even let her father take her. She has also been hitting me, and throwing tantrums. I’m about 15 weeks pregnant, and due in April. Starting to “show”.
PS: Please take a moment to make du’ah for my FIL. His name is Raquib E. Pray that Allah will make the grave an easy resting place for him, and grant him Jennah (ameen).
Old School Muslima 
Asalaam alaikum Ukthi,
I pray that Allah(swt) will put your mind at ease about things going on in your life. BELIVE you me…things happen only for the will of Allah(swt).
Zakayyah is acting out. She KNOWS something is up. Make dua and be patient.
Girl u know how many times I’ve ‘tried’ to go back to school. Know that you are NOT a failure, life sometimes get’s in the way. When the time is right..you’ll find a way.
Know that your sister’s are here for you when you need them.
Barakallahufiq
Ina lilah we ina ilyhe Raj3oon. You are no failure, you are such an inspiration because you keep trying.
I pray that your father-in-law is granted the highest level of jannah. Relax, don’t stress yourself and say alhumdulilah for all His blessings.
Hugs
Wow! So much has happened! First, I was so so sorry to hear about your father-n-law. He was a nice man. I will pray for him. Second, Congrats on your pregnancy! I hope your morning sickness ends soon and Z can have less tantrums! 🙂 I am still teaching third grade. However, I am no longer engaged. I am so happy to be off for Thanksgiving! I am trying to buy a house. I miss reading your blog. Please Please, don’t say you are a failure! You have accomplished so much..you have a bachelor’s degee working on your Master’s , you have a beautiful family, have learned to drive, purchased two homes, and learned to knit! Must I go on? I have learned so much from you. You are a great mother. I wish you the best. Even though we are in two separate states, you are in my prayers. Peace Cherrie A. Sabine
asalaamu alaikum ya ochti
My sister in law just converted to Islam and was looking forward to her first Ramadan but only a few weeks before she was to begin her fast, she found out that she and my brother will be expecting another baby. The poor thing has been too sick and anemic to fast. I hope she’ll be able to do it with everyone else next year.
Congratulations on the pregnancy. I’m a (unitarian) Christian but I hope you won’t mind if I also make du’a for your father-in-law.
ma’a salaama